Loving Yourself: Compassionate Parenting for Grownups

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Watch Your Language

Clients often tell me that it’s hard to be gentle with themselves; that we are our own worst critics.

Yes, it’s true. We are. We beat ourselves up and berate ourselves. The little voice inside may tell us we aren’t good enough, smart enough, strong enough. Worse yet, we sometimes verbalize those thoughts aloud: “I’m so stupid.” “I can’t do this.” “I’m such an idiot.”

As indicated by the comic by Steve Ogden (©2018 Steve Ogden, All Rights Reserved), sometimes our internal voices are worse than those from the outside.

Ogden Cartoon


The more we hear this, the more we believe it is true. How can we change this?

My first suggestion is to ask yourself: Whose voice is it? Is it true? Think about that a little. How do you know it’s true? Or is it not true at all?

My second suggestion is to reframe your negative self-talk and instead use the words that will encourage, not discourage.

I came across this wonderful list, “Build Confidence! 55 Positive Things to Say to a Child.” These are great suggestions of language that can empower our children in a positive way.

List of Positive Things

(Corie Kison, Beenke.com)

I decided to take it one step farther: if these are good and positive things to say to a child, what would happen if we started telling ourselves these things as well?

Think about it: Instead of beating ourselves up for minor things using self-denigrating language – “Oh I really screwed up. I’m such an idiot.” – we started speaking to ourselves with kindness and forgiveness – “I made a mistake. What can I do to fix it?”

The more we hear those positive things, the more we rise to meet them.

I challenge you to try to catch yourself and reframe your thoughts toward yourself in a positive way for 30 days. Let me know what happens. I’d love to hear from you.

Love yourself as you would love others. Be kind. You matter. Donna

To find out more about how coaching can help you, or for help writing your custom resumes, academic paper, book, or more, and to set up a complimentary consultation, please email Donna at EnvisionPossibility@gmail.com.

Donna Internicola is a Certified Professional Coach who helps people overcome feeling overwhelmed. Whether life coaching, resume and job coaching, academic coaching, book coaching, or any other sort of writing project, she can help.

She is passionate about supporting survivors of domestic abuse, supporting people in the adoption triad, reading, learning, writing, animals, music, urban hikes, and the Oregon Coast.

Photo credits: ©2017 D. Internicola, Internicola Coaching, Featured Image: ©2018 Steve Ogden (All rights reserved), and https://beenke.com/parenting/build-confidence-55-positive-things-to-say-to-your-child/

Blog ©2018 D. Internicola

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